Don't make out with my wife yet
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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