So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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