so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
