god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
