two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
