my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
