idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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