where am i from again
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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