i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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