too bad you live with your parents still
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
