That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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