Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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