She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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