I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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