4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
