Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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