called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
