So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
birth control should be required to get into college
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize