just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
