Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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