You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
