I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
