I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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