You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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