captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
