I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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