Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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