I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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