That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
