Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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