no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
