I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
