HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
