WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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