dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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