why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
