I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
