I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
