Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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