Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
