oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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