Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
