I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
