We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
