i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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