I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
