sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
