I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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