had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
