my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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