I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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