Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
