Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
