thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
