had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
