i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this will be a night to untag.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
