a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
