either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
