I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
