If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
