Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
