I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You were trust falling into bushes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
