okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
