I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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