sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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