I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize