I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
