she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
