Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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