ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
