Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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