She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
