I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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