I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
